I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
