I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
