note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
