a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
