I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
