I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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