We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You can't just leave with hair like that
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
