A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
