Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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