she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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