I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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