i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
that may or may not have been my penis.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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