He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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