This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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