I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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