did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
