I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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