I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
