That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I want to fling myself into the sun
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
