I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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