You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize