nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
