there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
