these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
