If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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