Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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