sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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