yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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