then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
