He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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