i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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