I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
