apparently the secret to your success is patron
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
