the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
