she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Randomize
