We're facebook friends in real life
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
