is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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