I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize