I think im going to throw up on grandma
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
