we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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