I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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