Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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