bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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