ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize