maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
