Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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