Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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