Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
