I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
