therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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