Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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