I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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