tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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