im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize