We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
