Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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