matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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