Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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