I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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