You can't special order awesome
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
