yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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