I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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