Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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