If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
