Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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