I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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