let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
God I need to hump something, right now.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
