did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
