i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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