My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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