i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I think I just sharted jello shots
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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