If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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