There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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