I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
