garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
