Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
