when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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