I bet he comes in French.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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