my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
