Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
